Chuck Norris doesn`t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can`t get up the courage to tell him.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris` sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren`t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.