If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it`s beef.

When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says ``Go``. This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.

Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression ``Shitting bricks`` wasn`t just a figure of speech.

The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.

Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

Chuck Norris doesn`t play ``hide-and-seek.`` He plays ``hide-and-pray-I-don`t-find-you.``

ADD is not a disease. It`s just impossible to focus when you know that Chuck Norris could strike at any moment.

The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, ``Please don`t kill me.`` Too bad Chuck Norris doesn`t believe in magic.